The Phrases shared by My Father That Saved Me during my time as a New Dad

"I believe I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the reality rapidly proved to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health problems surrounding the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her chief support in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every stroll. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You aren't in a good place. You require some help. What can I do to assist you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and find a way back.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While the public is now more comfortable talking about the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers go through.

'It's not weak to seek assistance

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a broader inability to open up between men, who continue to hold onto damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets smashed and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a display of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental health is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the space to take a respite - taking a couple of days away, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of looking after a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, profound difficult experiences resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says suppressing emotions led him to make "poor decisions" when he was younger to modify how he felt, turning in substance use as an escape from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Managing as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a friend, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be going for a run, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical health - a good diet, staying active and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their struggles, changed how they talk, and figured out how to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning just as much as you are through this experience."